Melba's Toast

This has been a sad weekend, mixed with happiness and family but still everything has been kind of painted with a background sadness at least for me.
My dear auntie past away and it is a kind of hollowing loss, although I haven't actually physically seen her in years.....about ten in fact. That is maybe what makes it more profoundly odd for me that she is gone. I still have such a vibrant image of her in my mind that it is hard to picture her loss. I am always the anti-social one and even when events get serious amongst my family, ie. sickness and death or even family reunions, I always manage to wriggle my way out of the event. It has always happened at an odd time, new job, big trip or just I am so much younger and so disconnected that it didn't even seem necessary to drag me along. I suppose in some odd way I have always stayed away long enough to in a weird way cheat death, by avoiding it.
Anyways I digress from where i was trying to go with this and that point being is even when I have known the person and felt that familial love it has never been someone that has been such an integral part of my life that I felt the vacancy in my life. This time for me is different, with my auntie who just passed on Saturday I felt a deep loss immediately. As I went to sleep last night I saw the humorous card I had bought for her over a month ago but never filled out and mailed, and quite honestly it hit me hard.
I can no doubt be a complicated person to know and most definitely to understand, and I am not always the most outwardly loving and affectionate person on the planet, but my auntie always touched me. She was one of the few people on earth who I could write just a strange little story that in a round about to mars and back kind of way showed her that I loved her. This year even in her failing health she took the time to write me a letter in the same crazy and convoluted tone that I always wrote her. I never wrote her just a plain merry christmas, or happy easter. I always wrote some silly story that had one step in my real life and one step in my imagination. She always seemed to genuinely appreciate it, and when she wrote one back to me I knew how much she genuinely understood me.
That is why the blank card next to my bed is such a sad symbol to me, such a heart wrenching, utterly helpless feeling. I just don't know to who I will tell my silly stories to now. I know if she was still here that she would approve of the title's post, for it's simplicity and its extra meanings. I love you aunt melba and I miss you very much!